Sorry I missed this until now, Robert. It seems to me that there’s a fine line (or maybe an exceedingly fuzzy boundary) between trying to do better and receiving the grace of God. I don’t know how to differentiate the two, but a couple of things have helped me. Here are some of them (in no particular order.
- Becoming a universalist. Being a universalist (at least of the purgatorial kind) more or less does away with the notion that when we die, God instantly perfects us whether we’re prepared to let go of certain sins or not. We’ll stop sinning with no effort because (contrary to the free will doctrine most of us hold fast with all claws), we will then be confirmed in righteousness. Yet Paul talks about entering the presence of God “as through fire” with the deeds of the flesh being burned up. I used to think he was talking about, say, if I, of my own will and with no guidance from the Holy Spirit, spent my life serving the poor because that seemed to me to be the right thing to do. It would (in that view) be a dead work because He didn’t specifically tell ME to do that. Yet He spent His life telling us to do things like that. I can see situations in which it WOULD be a dead work, for example, if He told us to do something else and we ignored Him.
I really thing though, that the works to be burned up are the works of the flesh. Not just neutral dead works, but actively evil works or selfishly failing to do good to whom it is due. What if it’s THOSE works that are burned up so that we are saved, but as through fire? While I recognize the fact that we will ALL be “salted with fire,” I’d just as soon get rid of as many of those evil works as I can NOW so that I’m not exposing myself in all my imperfection any more than I can help. I know, bad motives–but shame or potential shame IS a powerful motivator. If we come home dirty, we’ll have to be hosed off if we want to enter the Father’s house. I’d rather come home as clean as I can. That has helped me let go of some pretty stubborn sins.
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Spending time in God’s presence. Just being with Him sort of “cleans” you. Our God is a consuming fire. When there are sins that you just cannot let go, in most cases what’s needed is lots of time with Papa.
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Staying out of situations of temptation. If your sin is gluttony, you shouldn’t hang around the kitchen or the food line at that church social. You need to go outside with the kids and play basketball. If it’s on-line porn, you might have to flee those lusts by locking up your devices and giving someone else the virtual key. And so on.
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Confessing your sins one to another and praying for one another that you may be healed. Just the thought of having to confess that one shameful sin to a brother or sister is likely powerful enough to help many people drop it like a red-hot brand. If it doesn’t work that easily, though, confession is a big asset in the war against besetting sins. Just be very, very careful that whomever you confess to is a true brother or a true sister.
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Getting caught. Not the way you want to achieve freedom over that sin you’re so, so ashamed of that you hide it in the deepest basement. Getting caught may, however, be the best thing that ever happened and the only way you could ever have broken free.
We can go along mourning and mourning our besetting sins and getting NO victory over them in that way. In my life, that kind of mourning hasn’t been helpful, though maybe it works for some others. I may hate myself, but I still go on doing X or Y and cannot break free no matter how I hate it. Hating it isn’t enough. You usually have to move on from that to more positive steps–whether concrete actions of different ways of thinking. The pain of a wounded conscience alerts us that we’ve placed a hand on that hot stove, however an action is still required. Pull away your hand, fast. If, however, the pain of your conscience isn’t sufficient, some of the above might help. God wants us free.