I love ya too buddy.
What you keep pointing to as a pattern is a requirement of OT law for families. Circumcision marked one as one of the community - the same goes for baptism.
The ‘wise and learned’ should take note - we don’t have to understand something for it to be effective. Water, wine, blood - common things bearing uncommon gifts.
You are not going to instantly burst into flames for giving the orthodox churches a little slack here. You know, be of good cheer - God has not appointed anyone (save His only son) to be the fountainhead of all truth. So relax in HIM, not what you think you know. I try to do the same. Frankly, I worse than you at it - but let’s give it a shot. K?