Hi Ladybug and Pog –
That’s an interesting question – and it’s not really covered by those who talk about these things primarily from an intellectual standpoint. Its’ a pastoral; issue and requires different sort of guidance in a different key.
Should a universalist marry someone who believes in ECT? Well I have a friend named Sass who used to post here quite a lot. On another Universalist site that she was advised that she and her ECT husband were ‘unevenly yoked’ and she should therefore leave him (she never named the site – she’s’ an honourable lass to whom naming and shaming would seem ‘tacky’- and there are a number of sites to chose from and it could have simply been the opinion of one individual on a given site). The advice she was given there was a load of rubbish – and has proved to be a load of rubbish too (she and her husband love each other). It’s a slightly issue – but a related one I guess.
You marry someone because you love them. Love can transcend and accommodate differences of belief – this we see day to day. However, I think a lot of depends on how heartfelt the beliefs are in the first place. Someone who really. really believes that the person they are going to marry – because this person does not believe in hell – is going to go to hell, will also really believes that the person they love is likely to put any children they have together in danger of spending eternity in an inferno of wrath, They are really going to have to think twice before marrying a universalist. – and should really question their motives no matter how strong the attraction is. The reverse is true also.
A universalist who has been much afflicted by teachings of hell and who is still very wounded by this and knows in their heart that they probably always will be a bit wounded (in this life) – likewise they should certainly think twice before marrying someone who believes strongly in hell (even if it’s not as strongly as the person in my first example). Part of the painful process of love’s work is gradually stopping any projections of previous stuff on to each other and seeing each other in the light of day. People who live in closest intimacy together have rows, hurt each other, and forgive each other. But if the real issue of one partner is about a crippling fear of hell they are going to project this on to a partner who believes in ECT whenever there is serious trouble which all marriages go through. And this may well obscure what the real current issues are.
But love does transcend beliefs, beliefs are often notional (a person can ‘believe’ in hell in a theoretical sort of way without it really being part of the way they see and relate to others in their actual living ).
So I’d say be flexible but be honest about yourself and if you fall in love with someone who believes in ECT be honest about what you know about them. Think it through as part of the commitment – it may be workable, it may not be.
Blessings
Dick